Welcome, dear readers, to a delightful journey through wit and humor! This collection plunges headfirst into 80 uproarious and cheeky quotes that will tickle your funny bone.
Brace yourselves for a rollercoaster of laughter as we explore a medley of short, saucy, and downright hilarious sayings. From innuendos to clever wordplay, this compilation promises to leave you grinning from ear to ear.
So, buckle up and get ready to chuckle your way through these sidesplitting dirty quotes that are bound to inject a hearty dose of joy into your day!
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80 Funny Dirty Quotes, Short Dirty Quotes and Sayings
1. “My ideal body weight is yours on mine.” – Unknown
2. “Yes, I have a dirty mind, and you’re on it.”
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3. “I can’t taste my lips. Could you do it for me”
4. “I’ll let you play with mine.”
5. “Are girls called chicks because they produce eggs or because they love ?”
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6. “When she asks if you’re good in bed: Not the best, but still good.”
7. “Sex is kicking death in the ass while singing.” – Charles Bukowski
8. “Love is an ice cream sundae with all the marvelous coverings. Sex is the cherry on top.” – Jimmy Dean
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9. “Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.” – Hunter S. Thompson
10. “My mind and body respond strongly to your dirty talks.”
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11. “What is dirty when it’s being done right?”
12. “Being dirty is my natural state.”
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13. “Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind. You’ll never get it!”
14. “My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after Sex… I said I haven’t looked.”
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15. “Sex on TV can’t hurt… unless you fall off.”
16. “There are 70 ways to keep a man happy. One is Alcohol..! The rest is 69…..!”
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17. “Smile… it’s the second best thing to do with your lips.”
18. “My only relationship policy is, don’t bring your dirty laundry to work, no sex on company furniture, and don’t let it affect your work.” — Paula Graves.”
19. “If you`re texting two people simultaneously, you are bisexual.”
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20. “Friends are like bras, attached near your heart for support. Foes are like panties, deported, now and then, when they get dirty.”
21. “Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let’s just say I’m covered if I’m ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers. — Molly Harper”
22. “What do the Chinese call a 69? Twocanchew!”
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23. “Their vaginas were just ships passing at night, stopping to pick up every dirty sailor.” — K.F. Germaine
24. “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan
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25. “I do quite naughty things now. I do like to be a bit sexy.” – Kylie Minogue
26. “I’m only naughty when I have to be.” – Michelle McCool
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27. “She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.” – Dorothy Parker
28. “A world without women would be a pain in the ass.”
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29. “Nice pants. Can I test the zipper”
30. “Baby: So u came on her breasts? Man: …It was an accident. Baby: I EAT FROM THOSE, BE MORE CONSIDERATE PHIL.”
31. “I don’t care if you have small boobs.”
32. “Woman: Do you have any batteries? Clerk: Sure, come this way (wiggles finger). Woman: If I could come that way, I wouldn’t need batteries.”
33. “Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.” – Andy Warhol
34. “Sex is like washing your face – just something you do because you must. Sex without love is ridiculous. Sex follows love; it never precedes it.” – Sophia Loren
35. “I need more Sex, ok? Before I die, I wanna taste everyone in the world.” – Angelina Jolie
36. “Sex appeal is the keynote of our civilization.” – Henri Bergson
37. “Dirty is always on my mind. Are you interested?”
38. “Please wake me up with your tongue every morning.”
39. “I wish we’ll be freaky tonight.”
40. “Every time I look at you makes me ho@#y and bold.”
41. “69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.”
42. “Having sex in an elevator is wrong on many levels.”
43. “I just found an origami porn channel, but it’s paper view only.”
44. “Your lips are like wine & I wanna get drunk.”
45. “Triple in the last 5 minutes!!!”
46. “I am not Virgin my life FCUK me every day.”
47. “I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes.”
48. “If abortion is murder, then are condoms kidnapping!”
49. “He laughed, a big, open-mouthed laugh that made her think of words beginning with the letter O.” — Kerrigan Bane
50. “Get off me, you dirty turnip!” “Dirty turnip? Well, pardon me, Signor Cabbage-Head!” — Elle Newmark
51.”The clock struck eleven, and cat,, the vampire huntress, was on the loose, except my battle armor was a push-up bra, curled hair, and a short dress. Yeah, it was a dirty job, but I would do it. Come one, come all, bloodsuckers! Bar’s open!” — Jeaniene Frost
52. “You are in my inappropriate thoughts.” – Unknown
53. “Feel free to use kisses as a method to shut me up anytime.” – Unknown
54. “I love everything about you. The only thing, which bothers me, is your clothes. Take them off.” – Unknown
55. “But my heart is big. I can’t ride a heart.”
56. “Catching snowflakes on your tongue.”
57. “Sucking dick is nasty. First, I’m disgusting, and sucking dick is a work of art. I’ll until his soul is down my throat.”
58. “Do you like pizza? Cuz I want a pizza, dat Ass.”
59.“Software is like sex: it’s better when it’s free.” – Linus Torvalds
60. “Is Sex dirty? Only when it’s being done right.” – Woody Allen
61.“I never understood why anyone would have Sex on the floor. Until I was with you and I realized: you don’t ever realize you’re on the floor.” – David Levithan
62. “I haven’t had s@x in eight months. To be honest, I now prefer to go bowling.” Lil’ Kim
63. “Do it repeatedly because I love how you do it.”
64. “I’ll ensure you’re having a good time and are okay with everything. I just won’t be well mannered about it.” – Samantha Young
65. “I’m a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind.” Leelee Sobieski
66. “Sex is like a burrito, don’t unwrap or that baby’s in your lap.”
67. “Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.”
68. “Not all cute guys have girlfriends; most of them have boyfriends.”
69. “Why is bra singular and panties plural?”
70. “People wince when something is in bad taste. They laugh when it’s funny. If it’s too dirty or wrong, they won’t laugh. But if it’s a big, dirty, smart, funny laugh, they love it. — Michael Patrick King”
71. “Good girls go to Heaven; bad girls just make you FEEL like you are in Heaven.”
72. “I always thought of photography as a naughty thing to do, that was one of my favorite things about it, and when I first did it, I felt very perverse.” – Diane Arbus
73. “Gemini women can be very good yet very naughty at the same time.” – Unknown
74. “Of course I’m naughty. I’ve always had to compete for attention, you see.” – Rachel Johnson
75. “My doctor told me I’m low on vitamin ‘D’…So I need more D. I need more D.”
76. “When you give her a towel to clean up, and she tries to hand it back to you: Yeah, well, don’t touch me with it.”
77.“I wanna be the reason you slightly tilt your phone away from others when you read it.”
78.“The art of seduction is knowing what she wants and slowly giving it to her in a way that takes her breath away.”
79. “This may seem corny, but you make me horny.”
80. “Without nipples, boobs would be pointless.”
Summary
Indulge in laughter with our 80 funny dirty quotes and witty sayings. From clever wordplay to cheeky humor, explore short and saucy quips that will brighten your day. Get ready to grin!
