80 Funny Dirty Quotes, Short Dirty Quotes and Sayings

best funny dirty quotes

Welcome, dear readers, to a delightful journey through wit and humor! This collection plunges headfirst into 80 uproarious and cheeky quotes that will tickle your funny bone.

Brace yourselves for a rollercoaster of laughter as we explore a medley of short, saucy, and downright hilarious sayings. From innuendos to clever wordplay, this compilation promises to leave you grinning from ear to ear.

So, buckle up and get ready to chuckle your way through these sidesplitting dirty quotes that are bound to inject a hearty dose of joy into your day!

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80 Funny Dirty Quotes, Short Dirty Quotes and Sayings

1. “My ideal body weight is yours on mine.” – Unknown

2. “Yes, I have a dirty mind, and you’re on it.”

Funny dirty quotes - i have a dirty mind on it

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3. “I can’t taste my lips. Could you do it for me”

4. “I’ll let you play with mine.”

5. “Are girls called chicks because they produce eggs or because they love ?”

Funny dirty quotes - girls chicks produce eggs love

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6. “When she asks if you’re good in bed: Not the best, but still good.”

7. “Sex is kicking death in the ass while singing.” – Charles Bukowski

8. “Love is an ice cream sundae with all the marvelous coverings. Sex is the cherry on top.” – Jimmy Dean

Funny dirty quotes - love ice cream sundae sex cherry

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9. “Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.” – Hunter S. Thompson

10. “My mind and body respond strongly to your dirty talks.”

Funny dirty quotes - mind body dirty talks strongly

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11. “What is dirty when it’s being done right?”

12. “Being dirty is my natural state.”

Funny dirty quotes - dirty natural state

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13. “Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind. You’ll never get it!”

14. “My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after Sex… I said I haven’t looked.”

Funny dirty quotes - girlfriend smoke sex havent looked

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15. “Sex on TV can’t hurt… unless you fall off.”

16. “There are 70 ways to keep a man happy. One is Alcohol..! The rest is 69…..!”

Short funny dirty quotes - 70 ways man happy alcohol 69

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17. “Smile… it’s the second best thing to do with your lips.”

18. “My only relationship policy is, don’t bring your dirty laundry to work, no sex on company furniture, and don’t let it affect your work.” — Paula Graves.”

19. “If you`re texting two people simultaneously, you are bisexual.”

Short funny dirty quotes - texting people time bitextual

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20. “Friends are like bras, attached near your heart for support. Foes are like panties, deported, now and then, when they get dirty.”

21. “Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let’s just say I’m covered if I’m ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers. — Molly Harper”

22. “What do the Chinese call a 69? Twocanchew!”

Short funny dirty quotes - chinese calls 69

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23. “Their vaginas were just ships passing at night, stopping to pick up every dirty sailor.” — K.F. Germaine

24. “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan

Short funny dirty quotes - naughty save santa trip

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25. “I do quite naughty things now. I do like to be a bit sexy.” – Kylie Minogue

26. “I’m only naughty when I have to be.” – Michelle McCool

dirty funny quotes - only naughty i have to be

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27. “She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.” – Dorothy Parker

28. “A world without women would be a pain in the ass.”

dirty funny quotes - world women pain in ass

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29. “Nice pants. Can I test the zipper”

30. “Baby: So u came on her breasts? Man: …It was an accident. Baby: I EAT FROM THOSE, BE MORE CONSIDERATE PHIL.”

31. “I don’t care if you have small boobs.”

dirty funny quotes - dont care you have small boobs

32. “Woman: Do you have any batteries? Clerk: Sure, come this way (wiggles finger). Woman: If I could come that way, I wouldn’t need batteries.”

33. “Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.” – Andy Warhol

dirty funny quotes - sex exciting screen pages sheets

34. “Sex is like washing your face – just something you do because you must. Sex without love is ridiculous. Sex follows love; it never precedes it.” – Sophia Loren

35. “I need more Sex, ok? Before I die, I wanna taste everyone in the world.” – Angelina Jolie

dirty funny quotes - more sex before taste everyone world

36. “Sex appeal is the keynote of our civilization.” – Henri Bergson

37. “Dirty is always on my mind. Are you interested?”

38. “Please wake me up with your tongue every morning.”

dirty funny quotes - wake me up tongue morning

39. “I wish we’ll be freaky tonight.”

40. “Every time I look at you makes me ho@#y and bold.”

41. “69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.”

dirty funny sayings - 69 people find dirty sentence

42. “Having sex in an elevator is wrong on many levels.”

43. “I just found an origami porn channel, but it’s paper view only.”

44. “Your lips are like wine & I wanna get drunk.”

dirty funny sayings - lips wine wanna get drunk

45. “Triple in the last 5 minutes!!!”

46. “I am not Virgin my life FCUK me every day.”

47. “I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes.”

dirty funny sayings - made love hour fifteen minutes

48. “If abortion is murder, then are condoms kidnapping!”

49. “He laughed, a big, open-mouthed laugh that made her think of words beginning with the letter O.” — Kerrigan Bane

50. “Get off me, you dirty turnip!” “Dirty turnip? Well, pardon me, Signor Cabbage-Head!” — Elle Newmark

dirty funny sayings - dirty turnip pardon signor cabbage

51.”The clock struck eleven, and cat,, the vampire huntress, was on the loose, except my battle armor was a push-up bra, curled hair, and a short dress. Yeah, it was a dirty job, but I would do it. Come one, come all, bloodsuckers! Bar’s open!” — Jeaniene Frost

52. “You are in my inappropriate thoughts.” – Unknown

dirty funny sayings - my inappropriate thoughts

53. “Feel free to use kisses as a method to shut me up anytime.” – Unknown

54. “I love everything about you. The only thing, which bothers me, is your clothes. Take them off.” – Unknown

55. “But my heart is big. I can’t ride a heart.”

dirty funny sayings - heart is big ride a heart

56. “Catching snowflakes on your tongue.”

57. “Sucking dick is nasty. First, I’m disgusting, and sucking dick is a work of art. I’ll until his soul is down my throat.”

58. “Do you like pizza? Cuz I want a pizza, dat Ass.”

dirty saying funny - you like pizza want pizza dat ass

59.“Software is like sex: it’s better when it’s free.” – Linus Torvalds

60. “Is Sex dirty? Only when it’s being done right.” – Woody Allen

dirty saying funny - sex dirty being done right

61.“I never understood why anyone would have Sex on the floor. Until I was with you and I realized: you don’t ever realize you’re on the floor.” – David Levithan

62. “I haven’t had s@x in eight months. To be honest, I now prefer to go bowling.” Lil’ Kim

dirty saying funny - sex eight month honest bowling

63. “Do it repeatedly because I love how you do it.”

64. “I’ll ensure you’re having a good time and are okay with everything. I just won’t be well mannered about it.” – Samantha Young

65. “I’m a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind.” Leelee Sobieski

dirty saying funny - hopless romantic dirty mind

66. “Sex is like a burrito, don’t unwrap or that baby’s in your lap.”

67. “Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.”

68. “Not all cute guys have girlfriends; most of them have boyfriends.”

Funny dirty quotes - cute guys girlfriend most have boyfriends

69. “Why is bra singular and panties plural?”

70. “People wince when something is in bad taste. They laugh when it’s funny. If it’s too dirty or wrong, they won’t laugh. But if it’s a big, dirty, smart, funny laugh, they love it. — Michael Patrick King”

71. “Good girls go to Heaven; bad girls just make you FEEL like you are in Heaven.”

Funny dirty quotes - good girls heaven bad girls feel like heaven

72. “I always thought of photography as a naughty thing to do, that was one of my favorite things about it, and when I first did it, I felt very perverse.” – Diane Arbus

73. “Gemini women can be very good yet very naughty at the same time.” – Unknown

74. “Of course I’m naughty. I’ve always had to compete for attention, you see.” – Rachel Johnson

Funny dirty quotes - naughty compete attention you see

75. “My doctor told me I’m low on vitamin ‘D’…So I need more D. I need more D.”

76. “When you give her a towel to clean up, and she tries to hand it back to you: Yeah, well, don’t touch me with it.”

Funny dirty quotes - towel clean up tries hand touch me

77.“I wanna be the reason you slightly tilt your phone away from others when you read it.”

78.“The art of seduction is knowing what she wants and slowly giving it to her in a way that takes her breath away.”

79. “This may seem corny, but you make me horny.”

Funny dirty quotes - seem corny make really horny

80. “Without nipples, boobs would be pointless.”


Indulge in laughter with our 80 funny dirty quotes and witty sayings. From clever wordplay to cheeky humor, explore short and saucy quips that will brighten your day. Get ready to grin!


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