Here we have compiled a list of 50 best funny quotes about golf. No matter what you say about other sports when it comes to funny and inspirational quotes, nothing beats golf. From picking the best players to clubs and former presidents of the United States, the game of golf is a great equalizer. I learned this. But don’t take our word for it.
Have fun checking out these funny golf quotes below. Relax; golf is just a game. As one PGA Tour pro once said to another, “You’re not old enough to be mad.” So don’t try.
50 Best Funny Quotes About Golf
1.“Mistakes are part of the game. It’s how well you recover from them, that’s the mark of a great player.” – Alice Cooper
2. “The most important shot in golf is the next one.” – Ben Hogan
3. “I don’t play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good.” ― Henry Beard
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4. “If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.” – Lee Trevino
5. “They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken.” -Raymond Floyd
6. “The golf swing is like a suitcase in which we are trying to pack one too many things.” – John Updike, American Novelist
7. “Golf is a game where you yell “Fore”, shoot six and write down five.” – Napolean Hill, American Author
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8. “The least things upset him on the links. That last missed short putt was because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadow.” – PG Wodehouse, UK Author & Humourist
9. “There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf.” – Andrew Perry, Sportswriter
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10. “They call it golf because the other four-letter words were taken.” – Ray Floyd, PGA Hall of Fame
11. “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: it’s called an eraser.” ‒ Arnold Palmer.
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12. “The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie.” ‒ Mickey Mantle.
13. “You don’t know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket.” ‒ Lee Trevino.
14. “I’ve always made a total effort, even when the odds seemed entirely against me. I never quit trying; I never felt that I didn’t have a chance to win.”
15. “The most important shot in golf is the next one.” ‒ Ben Hogan.
16. “My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.” ~ Lee Trevino
17. “Forget your opponents; always play against par.” ~ Sam Snead
18. “The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie.”‒ Mickey Mantle.
19. “We learn so many things from golf—how to suffer, for instance.” -Bruce Lansky
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20. “Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.”
21. “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.”-Jack Lemmon
22. “Golf is 90 percent inspiration and 10 percent perspiration.” – Johnny Miller.
23. “The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.” – George Deukmejian.
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24. “I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.” -Gerald Ford, 38th President of the United States
25. “Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.”
26.“The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.”-Ben Hogan, 9-time Major champion
27. “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” – Gerald R. Ford
28. “The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.” – Mickey Mantle
29. “If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.” ― Sam Snead
30. “As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.” – Ben Hogan
31. “Golf is not a great sport. If you can smoke and drink while you’re doin’ it, it’s not a sport.” ― Michael Connelly
32. “The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.” ― Ernest Hemingway
33. “It’s considered good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.”
34. “You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husband’s work.” – Lee Trevino
35. “It’s a funny old game. One day you’re a statue, the next you’re a pigeon.”-Peter Alliss
36. “Why am I using a new putter? Because the old one didn’t float too well.” – Craig Stadler, PGA Tour, 1982 Masters Champion
37. “Hockey is a sport for white men. Baseball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.” – Tiger Woods
38. “I’ve seen lifelong friends drift apart over golf just because one could play better, but the other counted better.” ‒ Stephen Leacock, ‘Leacock On Life’.
39. “Golf’s three ugliest words: still your shot.” ~ Dave Marr
40. “The value of routine; trusting your swing.” – Lorii Myers.
41. “It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” ~ Hank Aaron
42. “The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.”‒ Ernest Hemingway.
43. “While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.” -Henny Youngman
44. “Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”‒ Dave Berry, ‘Stay Fit And Healthy Until You’re Dead’.
45. “I don’t want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.”-Rogers Hornsby
46.“I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I`m really worried about myself. I was actually enjoying it.”
47. “I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.” – Lee Trevino
48. “Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 50 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea of how to play.”- Gary Player
49. “These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.“
50. “Golf is a good walk spoiled” – Mark Twain