80 Best Funny Real Estate Quotes

best funny real estate quotes

Are you looking for some of the best funny real estate quotes? If yes, then you have landed on the right page. I have compiled a list of this blog’s 80 funniest quotes about the real estate industry.

We all know that a job in real estate can be very stressful. From early mornings to no weekends, the job needs a lot of work and patience to succeed.

So to keep your spirits high, I thought to compile a list of hilarious real estate quotes. Read these quotes to laugh, and don’t forget to share them with your colleagues.

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80 Best Funny Real Estate Quotes

1. “Find out where the people are going and buy the land before they get there.” – William Penn Adair

funny real estate quotes – find out where people going buy the land

2. “To be successful in real estate, you must always and consistently put your clients’ best interests first. When you do, your personal needs will be realised beyond your greatest expectations.” – Anthony Hitt

3. “Buying real estate is not only the best way, the quickest way, the safest way, but the only way to become wealthy.” – Marshall Field

funny real estate quotes – buying real estate only best quickest the safest way

4. “Don’t beat yourself up. Some transactions will naturally go smoothly, and others are a month of challenges. Learn what you can from each transaction, move on, and start the next one.” – Kurt Uhlir

5. “There have been few things in my life which have had a more genial effect on my mind than the possession of a piece of land.” – Harriet Martineau

funny real estate quotes – there have few things in my life which had genial effect

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6. “Owning a home is a keystone of wealth…both financial affluence and emotional security.”- Suze Orman

7. “I would give a thousand furlongs of sea for an acre of barren ground.” – Shakespeare

funny real estate quotes – i would give thousand furlongs sea for barren ground

8. “The best investment on Earth is earth.” – Louis Glickman

9. “You don’t need a google map when you are with me. As a realtor, I love to take you to the right destination.”

funny real estate quotes – you don't need google map as realtor love to take

10. “Becoming a real estate attorney is a tough job. You will always have to deal with battles of wills!”

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11. “Don’t wait to buy real estate. Buy real estate and wait.” – Will Rogers

funny real estate quotes – dont wait to buy real estate buy real estate and wait

12. “A forever real estate agent understands that the concept of home is predicated on the many changes life can bring, and it doesn’t start—or end—with the transaction.” – Gino Blefari

13. “A real estate agent has two property listings. Now add 11 more. What does the agent have now? Happiness. That agent has happiness.” -Tim Dulany

funny real estate quotes – real estate agent has two property listings add 11 more

14. “I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!”

15. I’m a smart neighbourhood Realtor. If I don’t like my neighbours, I convince them to change their house.

funny real estate quotes – i m smart neighbourhood realtor like my neighbours

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16. “Are you looking for more space to spread out? No, No, I’m not talking about your bed. I’m talking about a house.”

17. “If I were a professional wrestler, I’d want a name that strikes fear in most people. Something like, ‘The Underwriter.'”

18. “A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters.”

real estate funny quotes – a funny thing happens in real estate it comes back like gangbusters

19. “[Real estate] is like Jack and the Beanstalk’s goose that lays golden eggs. It’s something that pays you month after month, whether you are working or not.” – Kathy Fettke

20. “Judging by your pins, you’ll need a house with 14 bathrooms, 27 living rooms, and a master closet the size of a small village.”

funny real estate quotes – judging by your pins you need a house with 14 bathroom

21. “You don’t have to be too bright to get into real estate.”

22. “Real estate cannot be lost or stolen, nor can it be carried away. Purchased with common sense, paid for in full, and managed with reasonable care, it is about the safest investment in the world.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

23. Do you know which is the favourite word in the realtor’s dictionary? – “SOLD”

funny real estate quotes – do you know which is favourite word in realtor dictionary 'sold'

24. “If you don’t like where you are, move. You are not a tree.” – Jim Rohn

25. “I need your listing, I already sold all of mine.”

funny real estate quotes – i need your listing i already sold all mine

26. “There are 12 important things that you must do to sell your house at the best price. The first one is, ‘call me.’ Then I will handle the other 11 things as I’m a realtor.”

27. “To my real estate agent, Chernobyl is a fixer-upper.”

funny real estate quotes – to my real estate agent chernobyl is fixer upper

28. “Perhaps the secret to making a billion dollars in real estate is that there is no secret.” – David Lichtenstein

29. “YOLO = You Only List Once … when you list with me!”

funny real estate quotes – yolo = you only list once when you list with me

30. “What does a realtor say when the relationship manager proposes to reduce the work in half? I am looking to take two of those.”

31. “What happens when you marry the best real estate agent? He sells you the engagement ring!”

funny real estate quotes – what happens when you marry the best real estate

32. “It’s OK to have your eggs in one basket as long as you control what happens to that basket.”

33. “Like bathing, motivation doesn’t last. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

funny real estate quotes – like bathing motivation doesnt last

34. “When you invest, you are buying a day that you don’t have to work.” – Aya Laraya

35. “The neighbours always leave their sprinklers on, which is a little bit annoying. It’s a source of constant irrigation.”

funny real estate quotes – the neighbours always leave sprinklers on

36. “What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines? “Yes, I love reading them but only periodically”.

37. “I would do dry January, but I’m a real estate agent.” – The Broke Agent

funny real estate quotes – i would do dry january but i am real estate agent

38. “I will forever believe that buying a home is a great investment. Why? Because you can’t live on a stock certificate. You can’t live in a mutual fund.” – Oprah Winfrey

39. “Why did the real estate agent keep ten ants in his house? Because they were his tenants!”

funny real estate quotes – why did real estate agent keep ten ants in house

40. “After finalising the deal if you think that you could find and buy this house without my help, then I say- I can give you the contact number of the psychologist.”

41. “I have been sitting beside my phone the whole day, just waiting for one phone call from a special person to hear ‘Yes’. Your girlfriend?? No Man, a phone call from my client. I’m a realtor and have spent $5 on Facebook ads.”

funny real estate quotes – i have been sitting beside my phone just waiting one call

42. “Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day? The client wanted a house with very long haul ways!”

43. “Why was the coffee maker recruited by the real estate company? Because he should grind well.”

funny real estate quotes – why was the coffee maker recruited by real estate company

44. “If you really want me to sell your house quickly then please hide the clothes, dishes and all the other things when I take photos of your house.”

45. “I’m the funniest realtor. Hire me to get entertained, getting the best house is a bonus for you.”

funny real estate quotes – i'm the funniest realtor hire me to get entertained

46. “What did the judge say to the real estate agent who violated the NAR code? “You didn’t stand up to the ethics, so pay the fine”.

47. “Buyer: I want the best house but currently I don’t have more money to buy.”
Agent: “I want to sell the best house to you but currently the seller is on a vacation.”

48. “I work during my free time as well and I get 24 hours of free time. It’s the life of an established realtor.”

funny real estate quotes – i work during free time i get 24 hours of free time

49. “I know how to open new doors. No, no, I’m not the owner of the lock service centre, I’m in the real estate field.”

50. “I have a friend who is stout. When he joined realtor services, he was assigned to the division of short sales.”

51. “All periodic table elements were hired by the real estate company because they have lots of properties!”

real estate funny quotes – all periodic table elements were hired by the real estate company

52. My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with: “Hey bro, house it going?”

53. “I dislike realtors the most. While buying a two-storied house, he gave me a story before I bought it.”

54. “All appraisers seem to carry wasps. They think the value of the eye always stays in the bee holder!”

real estate funny quotes – all appraisers seem to carry wasps they think value of eye

55. “Why are real estate agents compared to Satan while reading contracts? Because they think that the devil lies in the details!”

56. “Why did the agent leave the duct selling job? He couldn’t stick with it!”

real estate funny quotes – why did agent leave duct selling job he couldn't stick with it

57. “What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent? You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!”

58. “Why did the real estate agent take the house to the doctor? The window had a pane!”

59. “Why, yes … that’d be fantastic if your parents, grandmother, and second cousin came along while I showed you houses today.” -Amy Chrisman-Williams

60. “A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters.” – Barbara Corcoran

real estate funny quotes – a funny thing happens in real estate it comes back like gangbusters

61. “Which rooms do ghost real estate agents hate selling the most? The living rooms!”

62. “If you’re in your 20s, 30s, or 40s and you’re entrepreneurially minded like I am, I don’t think the best strategy for you is to buy a home.” – Gary Vaynerchuk

63. “I give emotional security to people. Am I a psychologist? No, I’m a realtor who helps people to get a house that soothes their emotions.”

real estate funny quotes – i give emotional security to people am i psychologist

64. “Why is it a terrible idea to pick a fistfight with a real estate agent? He usually flips houses whenever he wants!”

65. “Don’t be the guy that shows up at the potluck with just a fork. – Dave Liniger”

66. “What did the husband realtor say to his wife? “You have a lien on my heart”.

67. “Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.” – Mark Twain

real estate funny quotes – buy land they are not making it anymore

68. “What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar? “Ma’am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest”.

69. “You can expect high standards from me. In return, I expect a high budget from you.”

70. “What did the manager say to the real estate agent when he made a deal for Amazon? “Hey, John, you did an Amazon Prime job.”

71. “If you do not like real estate, all you have to do is make hamburgers, build a business around that hamburger, and franchise it.” – Robert Kiyosaki

72. “Buildings don’t move, but neighbourhoods change all the time.”

73. “I can decrease or increase the size of your house. No, I’m not a civil engineer, I’m a realtor.”

74. “Real Estate is my 9-5 job. And then again it’s my 5-3 job. And again it’s my 3-9 job.”

75. “How did the realtor compliment his wife? He said, Values of estate will go up and down, you will remain beautiful forever”.

76. “90% of people hate carpeting. The other 10% hate your carpeting.”

77. “Did you hear about the last remaining unit in the apartment building? It was last but not leased.”

78. “Why don’t real estate agents read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.”

79. “What does a house wear? Address.”

80. “I need your listing, I already sold all mine.”

Wrapping Up

I hope that you liked these funny real estate quotes. If yes, please don’t forget to share these quotes with your colleagues to have a great time together. Also, share which real estate quote you find the funniest in the comments below.


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